Bring us back to happy Christmas days.

I have not imagined waiting for Christmas to be this lonely. I admit, I'm looking forward to Christmas, because apparently, the one we're having this year is a white one. I have to say that I REALLY (and I mean that in the most striking way) miss spending Christmas in the Philippines...Im not just saying that because I haven't spent one here but I know myself, and what I want is a Pinoy Christmas. Bring us back, please?

By this time of year, we're already shopping over at Divisoria, or maybe at some mall that has pretty much a holiday sale...even though the prices are still high, it's perfectly fine because we know that after that, money will go back. By this time of year, I'm pretty sure I'm already getting excited for Christmas, it's wasn't like because I'm gonna get presents and whatnot but it's because the Holidays are always that time of the year where everyone needs to be happy. Did I mention my grandmother celebrates her birthday same as the Lord Jesus Christ? I never thought I'd be this sensitive about this matter.

Next year maybe? I'm not sure. Please Lord, give us all the means to make that wish of mine happen.

The whole race thing.

The race thing is...when you do something offensive (or anything close to that) to someone who's not part of your own, it can be voluntary or most times not intended.

I have to admit, I've been hearing a lot of people trashing other races, and now that we're in a country of mixed people, it kind of makes me think about if those people who make criticisms are aware that it's actually a form of harassment. It's impossible to ignore because we all have our won views/judgments of everyone. When someone does that, I actually feel bad because sometimes I form my own judgments of everyone.

I will never EVER in my life treat someone badly because they're of a different race. I guess my senses came to me just now.

“Lukewarm acceptance is more bewildering than outright rejection.”
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every breath we take (Repost)

This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend. *The last line says it all. *

Dear Bertha,

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank."Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.

Postnote- I reflected on this and I'm like "wow". We're all caught up with our daily grind and most of us don't even take time to thank Him for every bit of what we have right now. I'm just putting this out there, I really am thankful of all the things He gave to us, I hope one day I'll give back.

Getting ready for everything:)

Wow, it's been like almost a month since I blogged here, I have been busy with school, and after that I wasn't able to update because there were soooo much stuff to do. We attended this seminar that lasted half a day, it was mostly about immigration and settlement and all the stuff in between. It actually gave me a feeling that nothing's gonna be the same anymore as soon as we get there, I mean new house, new town, new faces and new everything, basically new life. Not that I'm complaining but it's making me feel different. Anywho, i'm really looking forward to it. I thank God (I will always do that) because He made this all happen. We just hope that we won't have a hard time looking for what we're supposed to and whatnot.

Getting ready. This is my life.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl

Long walks & future travels.

I’ve always loved taking long walks, on a perfectly fine day of course. It gives me a temporary peace of mind, something I would call an escape from all the madness around me. I can drag my feet anywhere I want to, long as I could trace my way back it won’t be a problem. I love it when I see new things and places, it kind of refreshes me from the usual stuff I see, and my curiosity level raises. There are lots of places I want to explore, of course not by walking I won’t get there, maybe an airplane or some public transportation (I would do anything to ride on a double-decker bus). I want to go to New York! Have a smoothie or like a corndog while gallivanting the streets til I get somewhere to take photos, I would love to see the meat packing district, heard the delis there are the best. Japan & Korea are also on my list, I just love it when I watch Travel and Living channel and those countries get featured and like getting the sense of the place. Night markets are hot. Food by the way is one of the main reasons I would love to getaway.

Maybe I’ll take long walks when we get to Canada, you can never go wrong with feet exercise right? Except when it’s snowing already, the ground get slippery and of course you can’t move a lot cause you’re freezing. Plus, our speaker while ago at the peer counseling session told us to explore the place so we can learn how to navigate when life finally starts over. I learned a lot today.

God, i know You hear me, thank You very much for all of this.

My letter to myself for March.

Wow...it all seemed a bit fast don't you think? One minute I was buying this big notebook and planning to write on it like crazy (I only know what that ended up to) and reading the Last Song by Nicholas Sparks (im still on page 87...I suck at promises) and also that thing I'm not supposed to spill in here.

Letter to myself.

What's up Carlo? Will you get serious for one dang time? I'm sooooooo frustrated that everytime you say something, you find ways to NOT accomplish them and you get away with it! It's like you say it for the sake of making yourself look good (but we all know you're not) and please stop the OCD habits you have every night, that makes you look not normal.

Seriously, me talking in the third person is a way of REALIZING all the wrong things I've done and I hope that i won't make the same mistakes anymore, because I am not getting any younger and a new chapter in my life will start come summer. I also keep thinking that while I am doing all these bad things, God is still not giving me punishments or anything and I do hope He doesn't because I regret all those bad things, and this time I will confess, I will confess.

In a weird state of mind.

I feel really weird. I dunno, is this some kind of departure anxiety? I think so. I really want to get out of here (I don't mean that in a negative way) I am not talking about a problem but yeah, it's one of those things that just gives you a rollercoaster of emotions...for one, I am directing our children's show on Friday, I'm not really sure what I'm gonna do but with the help of the people in my group, I'm pretty sure we'll overcome. One more thing, I feel like I'm falling away...it gives me a really weird feeling cause lately, it's been all about work work work and like, there's no time to talk anymore. So yeah, that's about it. Life will take you to highs and lows, what matters is how you respond to it.

Just going to share something that made me smile today- MY BIRTHDAY ANALYSIS c/o some facebook application/quiz which I found entertaining and true.

A hip non-conformist who truly stands for his/her beliefs - you are out to make a difference in this world, and you have a realistic chance of success. You have always been self-driven and derive your inspiration from those close to you. Ambitious - and why shouldn't you be - the sky is the limit for you!

shabba:)
-Carlo

I am changing.

I've got great news, WE GOT IT! I'm not spilling what it is, but I'm really happy because we're one step closer to reaching that dream. I thank God for everything, He's awesome.

By the way, people have been observing me...and I got word that what they noticed of me is, I'VE CHANGED BIG TIME. I really dunno what to say to that you know, i don't think it's negative, certainly not that positive either on their part cause those people used to be my friends too, and I don't want them to think that just cause I switched sections, doesn't mean I don't value what we had back then. They say I'm not as happy as I used to be, and I'm not the energizer bunny anymore, they say I'm more serious this semester. I kind of agree you know, maybe because I know myself too...and i hope that no one hates me for it. Change is the only constant thing in this world. You can't be what you are all the time. I believe in that statement.

-carlo

Yearender blog 2009.

Here’s my list for 09memories, inspired by a trending topic on twitter.

Back in January, I was able to go to Star City again for a requirement in school. I was like a kid again.

It was February when my mom underwent thyroidectomy, we stayed in Makati Med for a week and I remember crying me eyes out because I couldn’t filter my emotions, thank God my mom’s doing fantastic now.

I went to audition for a radio program with my best friend back in March. Unfortunately we weren’t able to make it. I felt bad at first but it was definitely worth going for.

Summer of this year we went to Antipolo for swimming. It was awesome.

I applied as a student jock for Mellow 94.7’s student program, this time I was able to pass. I met new friends, I learned the basics of radio, I was able to get some party favors and movie premiere passes courtesy of the station. So yeah, it was a dream come true for me. By the way, I was able to board 3 times, that meaning I was able to go on-air and played music.

I switched sections for first semester sophomore year. I gained new friends, I learned a lot that semester.

I was able to go places this year! Boystown in Marikina was amazing, Cainta and all the east cities of Metro Manila I was able to pass. I was able to go to Manaoag, Pangasinan with my family for a holy trip back in May and also in Novaliches where SHE lives hahaha I tell you it’s pretty far.

This year I also met *toot*. Do you know why I don’t ever mention his name? It’s because I have this fear that you might think I’m demented. Even though we had a short time of knowing each other, I am sure that we built something there, I even felt something there (I’m sure he did too) BROMANCE MUCH? No way man! Even though I’m a straight guy who’s comfortable with my sexuality, I kind of imagined things but oh well, things happen and I know now who’s the one girl I’m going for and I’m sure. There was a promise, there was a promise.

I was close to doing a live feed and update on-air when I was at the stick-on. It didn’t happen.

I won’t forget the Acquaintance party in Alchemy! So much dancing, booze (not for me) and pretty girls.

ONDOY- Who won’t forget that name? I and 3 of my friends were heck close to being washed away in EDSA by the typhoon, I thank God we were able to make it home safe, I pray for those who were killed.

I sang on national radio. That’s something memorable for me.

I trash-blogged my friend, I regret doing that. I’m thankful that we’re okay now.

I watched a movie alone! It was a different experience for me, it made me tear up. The Time Traveler’s Wife is a movie I won’t forget. I and my bestfriend watched This Is It and after that we watched another movie in SM! It was fuuuuuun.

I do hope that next year will be as great, because we could only hope for something better. We are just waiting right now for our VISA and then we’re good to leave, after my kuya graduates from college. It’s going to be awesome.

New slate.

So my friends and I settled what we have been feeling a while ago at school. It was really nice that you know, we managed to overcome something that we couldn’t control- MISUNDERSTANDINGS. To tell you honestly I didn’t want our group to ever be dissolved cause first, we have built trusts with each other and second, we had time to accept each and everyone for who we are no matter how different we seem from each other. WE LOVE. I think that we have a strong friendship.

I deleted my last entry about my friend, I felt so bad because I didn’t think she’ll read it. Some person managed to let her read it, I dunno why, maybe that person hates my guts for writing what I feel but either way I’ll just leave it to karma. I am happy that even though she read it, she still didn’t think differently of me, I told her that clearly I wasn’t thinking about our friendship when I wrote it and I apologized for posting a blog about her. I really do hope everything’s okay with us, and with our group. Lesson learned- THINK BEFORE YOU ACT. That one goes out not just to me but to everyone who had been in the same situation. Thank you Lord for letting us work this out.

Nothing can tear our friendship apart.

A Realization.

I realized today that maybe I’m a mean person, it’s one of those times where you think back and go over stuff you did and come up with a conclusion that maybe you’re not so nice as what other people say. I am generally good-hearted, but tell you what, don’t you dare push me to my limits and upset me or my other friends because if you do, I am gonna tear you to pieces if that’s the last thing I’ll do. You can’t be nice all the time.

BOO YOU.

You know what’s sad? It’s when people promise you something and they made an effort to assure you that they’ll fulfill it but then they didn’t actually live up their words and ditched you. Downgrade. I am not even mad at that person, I just feel like I need an explanation because i haven’t felt like a stranger like that in my life, it’s like I didn’t even exist, that person just stopped talking to me after ditching me. Boo. You are a coward. I don’t think I’ll be able to talk to you again.

Love will find a way.

LOVE. I always thought I'll never find it, probably because me and my heart got issues (that's too deep man) but, thinking about it over and over, I see a possibility that I could start being in love right now, of course with that person. But for some weird reason, THIS person came along and showed me this side where I can really be who I wanna be, damn it. On top of that, I don't think this is where love will find me, I am starting to realize that the person I'm talking about lives 500,000 miles away, that person could be blonde, could have blue eyes or even maybe that girl I idolize, I know if we're meant to be together, then love will find a way to let us meet. Wow, i never blogged like this before, maybe life just decided to hit me.

Bottled up.

I'm in a different state of mind right now. I don't know if I can call it deja vu or somethin cause this feeling usually comes about when the semester is almost over, what is this? Exhaustion? Or am I just really anxious about moving overseas next year? I really don't know. So many things bottled up, and I feel like I need to take a break.

I just completed a very tortuous work, FINISHING my projects that is. I dunno why I got so busy and never started working earlier. I'm a piece of work, and I don't think I care about that anymore.

There's so much that needs to be done by next week and hopefully I get to be successful at it. This is college. Reality just sank in. By the way, I'm also thinking about someone as well, the person I've been waiting for my whole life, and I get temporary happiness when I think about that person. Bye for now.

Much love :)

How I feel.

Ever felt like you're a part of something and it doesn't seem like you belong?

Ever felt like you're patiently waiting for someone and something inside you tells you can't wait forever?

Ever felt like you need someone to talk to but you can't cause you're too afraid to tell them how you feel?

That's how I feel.

Things I am not afraid to admit.

1. I'm in love with this girl, but I don't know how long I'm gonna wait. I don't wanna wait too long.
2. I suck at Badminton, even tho I really love playing.
3. I'm bipolar in my head. I need therapy.
4. I always had a man crush with Dane Cook. He's effin cool.
5. I often get attached with new friends, I trust people easily.
6. I watch Top Model and The Hills (I love drama)
7. I haven't played a basketball game, and I would love to learn it all again.
8. I used to blog a lot, but then I lacked inspiration so now it's kinda like once or twice a week.
9. I go to thrift shops and whatever stuff I like, I immediately buy them cause they're cheap.
10. I would love to be Demi Lovato's boyfriend. She's beautiful.
11. I listen to RNB music.
12. I am fragile.
13. I break under pressure.
14. I don't like it when I'm talking to someone and their attention is on to other things.
15. I collect scarfs. Weird.
16. I think Pokwang is the funniest woman on earth.
17. I pray a lot. I got this message that I kept on talking to God but I don't listen.
18. I really want to be a DJ badly. You all know that.
19. I have always wanted to host an episode of Wowowee. I think it would be so much fun.
20. I like taking pictures of myself going to different places. I'm vain like that.